


Martyrs

by niennavalier



Series: Coldflash Drabbles [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, CFFAF, Canonical Character Death, Day 7, Guilt, Introspection, M/M, Post Legends of Tomorrow Season 1, Pre-Slash, Regret, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, coldflash for a fortnight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7098079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niennavalier/pseuds/niennavalier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Too late. Even with his powers, with Barry, it's always a matter of being too late. He'd hoped that, after the singularity, that wouldn't be the case anymore, but when the Legends team returns to 2016, it becomes painfully clear that that's far from the truth. That, despite being lauded as the hero, it's still everyone else sacrificing because of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Martyrs

**Author's Note:**

> Well...you can kinda see from the title which word I used for Day 7...sorry not sorry? Also, I literally just wrote this so I'm sorry for errors (or if it just totally sucks). It's nearing stupid o'clock AM, so I'm posting and going to bed.

     Barry Allen never would’ve guessed his life would be filled with so many martyrs. After Ronnie and Eddie, he’d been determined to make sure no one else ended up dying because of him. He couldn’t allow that to happen, never again; no one was gonna have to make a sacrifice because he wasn’t good enough. It was selfish, but he didn’t want to ever have to experience the way the guilt weighed down on his chest, not again.

     So the day the Legends team returned to 2016, Barry wasn’t ready at all. Because…Vandal Savage was defeated – he had to be, if the team was returning home – and shouldn’t that be a cause for celebration?

     But then everyone was stepped off the Waverider looking somber, and that was when Barry realized that…not everyone _had_ stepped off.

     Sara had been the one to deliver the news after he’d asked, just saying that, “He was a hero,” and Barry swore he felt his heart drop to the ground at that. Lisa had been there, too, and he registered her pointing her gun at him, ready to shoot, tears in her eyes because “This is your fault! It’s because of you he’s gone!” and, really, Barry’s pretty sure the only reason he’s not a golden statue is for the fact that Mick had pulled her into his arms, letting her cry.

     Looking back, though, Barry’s pretty sure he wished Lisa had just shot him on the spot.

     Because, now, he’s sitting on his bedroom floor, back leaned up against the door, finally letting the sobs take over. After all, she was right; it _was_ his fault. _Again_. Maybe, had he not said anything, had he not forced his opinion so many times, had he not kept believing there was more to Snart than being a criminal and a thief, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe he’d still be alive. And that just makes Barry cry all the harder.

     Everything about the whole situation just sits so _wrong_ in Barry’s chest. Because he’s mourning, Lisa is too, as are the rest of the Legends, but anyone else? What would they care about the criminal they’d only ever see threaten their beloved hero of Central City? Their hero who, when it came down to it, could never really do anything at the times it really mattered. Not with Eddie, not with Ronnie, not with Joe back in Earth-2. And not with Snart. But would anyone else care? Would anyone else notice?

     There’s a stabbing pain in his chest when he realizes the answer is no.

     No one would ever know that Snart had died to save them all. The he’d chosen to give his life for theirs. That he was a hundred times the hero Barry had ever been. Which was something Barry had always wanted, but not like this. Nothing like this.

     And the most ridiculous part about this all? Barry knows that he really has no right to be as broken up over this as he is. Lisa, Mick, Sara, everyone else had that right, but Barry? He was the guy responsible for this happening at all; he shouldn’t be allowed to grieve like them. But here he was, curled in on himself the same he had been on the night of his mother’s murder. And…how absurd was that? He hardly knew Snart!

     But…maybe…that was the problem. He hadn’t realized until he’d learned what’d happened just how much he had been looking forward to grinning at Snart, telling him “I told you so”. Or maybe, someday, working with the man out of more than just necessity, now that he knew Snart _was_ good, at his core. Maybe being something more than just strained, begrudging allies.

     The loss just made Barry realize, far too late, how much he’d wanted Snart to be _something_ to him. What exactly, he still didn’t know, but did that even matter anymore? He was never gonna get the chance to see if Snart could become his friend, to see if his dumb little crush could ever become something substantial.

     All because of him.

     He tilted his head back against the wood of the door, letting the tears run anew, fresh with guilt, with regret, with longing.

     Because, really, what was the point? What was the point of having powers if everyone else still had to sacrifice for him, because of him? What was the point if he could never save the people he loved?

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I am gonna catch up and write for some of the other days I missed (probably this coming week). And hopefully they won't be this angsty (actually, I'm pretty sure they won't so yay). Sorry about the above...what I did, though.


End file.
